So, it's the end of December and all month, all around the country/world, people have been preparing for __________ (insert celebration here). If you're like the majority of Americans, you have inserted Christmas in the blank. There are countless views regarding this particular holiday. For some, it's merely a holiday associated with gift giving and consumerism. For others, it is a time of deeper religious meaning; that religion being, of course, Christianity. And, for the rest, it is somewhere in between.
Now, because we live in a digitally social world, I am, like many others, on Facebook nearly everyday. I have a large group of 'friends'; hundreds actually. So, when one has hundreds of friends that are updating their statuses on a daily/weekly/monthly basis, one also is witness to the beautiful cross section of personalities, lifestyles and beliefs that are represented among those hundreds. As a side note, when I say beautiful, I do mean beautiful. Cultural diversity really is a lovely thing. It's no surprise, though, that the strongest opinions ever expressed come in the forms of political and religious beliefs.
And, that brings me to the point of the blog. Well, maybe not the point but the subject at least. Lately I've seen a lot of status updates that read something akin to "It's Merry Christmas NOT Happy Holidays." Having spent years living and existing as part of the (Christian) religious right, I understand the sentiment. I don't begrudge anyone saying it. It's a free country after all. And, if you are reading this and you are one of those friends that posted a similar status update, let me preface the rest of this blog with this - I do respect your beliefs. I do respect what Christmas symbolizes to practicing Christians. I do not wish to offend anyone. I only want to express my own thoughts and ask that you listen with an open mind.
With that said, let's begin!
When I first saw this type of status update, I took it for what it was, an expression of religious belief. The second time, I thought about the actual message the post-ers were trying to convey. The third time I pondered the impression it gave to the universe at large. And, by the fourth plus time, it honestly irked me a bit.
The US is a predominantly Christian nation. Nonetheless, it remains one of the most religiously diverse nations on the planet. Even before the pilgrims came, there was religious diversity. And, with their coming, the end to a search for a place to practice their religious beliefs freely, came even further diversity. So, duh, over multiple years of immigration, the US has become home to a myriad of religious beliefs. And, each person that represents a different belief, got here, either on their own or by way of a far off relative, because freedom of some kind was being sought. You would think, then, that we would be a nation of tolerance. A nation of understanding. A nation that understood that being able to practice a religion, a lifestyle, an occupation, etc. of one's choosing was a privilege and that, if one wants that privilege to be respected, one must respect it in others as well. Somehow, as a nation, we've forgotten that, though.
That's what irked me. Because the impression that those status updates began to give me, whether intended or not, is this... My religious beliefs are the only true beliefs and thus are superior to yours, and, therefore, you and yours do not deserve my respect (btw, I haven't met a 'religious' person yet who doesn't believe that first part regardless of what their religious beliefs are). Now, if you call yourself a Christian, does that sound very Christ-like? Does this fall in line with the teachings of a man who we are told accepted and loved the unacceptable and unloveable? Yes, we are told that Christ spoke his beliefs plainly, but He didn't do so in a way that alienated people from Him. If I'm to believe what I was taught to me in the church, He met people where they were at; didn't condem them and then expect them to eagerly accept an invitation to follow Him.
So, now we're at the point of my blog, which is, if you're concerned about whether the school your child goes to holds a winter celebration or a Christmas pageant, then you should send your child to a school that fits your beliefs. If you balk at the idea of not having a Nativity scene in the town square, you might want to think about moving to a religious compound. You get the idea. We are a nation, a state, a city, a neighborhood of many beliefs. Some celebrate Christmas. Some celebrate Kwanzaa. Some will light a menorrah. Some will have a family feast, decorate ornaments, hang mistletoe, put lights on the house, hang a wreath and light a yule log. Think I'm talking about Christmas with that last observation? I'm not. Those are traditional ways to celebrate winter solstice. You know, the holiday that Pagans and Wiccans celebrate. Have you feeling a little conflicted about your own decor now?
Whatever you do, though, consider this... Consider saying Happy Holidays now and then. Consider really meaning it. Consider that, when doing so, you are showing a deep respect for those around you that may subscribe to a different set of beliefs. Consider that, when asking WWJD?, the answer just might be to ask you to consider saying it, too.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Divorce After 72 Days - A Love Story
The Kardashian clan has never been one that I have found particularly interesting. I don't understand why they are important or why anyone really gives a crap about them. OK, their matriarch married Bruce Jenner. He was cool in the 70's. But, have you seen him now that those women have gotten a hold of him? Good Lord, what a plastic surgery nightmare!
And, as to the question of their fame, many people will state that they are famous because they are businesswomen and socialites; models and actresses. Well, I'm not so sure about the actress part (check out any film credits they have prior to 2009. Even then, I don't think playing yourself gives you the right to call yourself an actress), and I'm sure they all did some modeling but here's the real scoop. None of the girls in this family ever got any real celeb face time until Kim's sex tape was "leaked" in 2007. So, really, they are famous because their sister got busy with a celeb and the world saw her naked. Bravo! Master Thespian!! (and she was 27 when this happened so she really was old enough to have known better... unless she wanted it leaked so her name would be in all the news... hmmm)
So, anyway, I'm not necessarily one for celebrity gossip (especially when it comes to the K clan), but this got me this morning. I saw that Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce from her husband. Not that filing for divorce is some huge news, but her excuse blew my mind. She says that she's filed because he "wasn't who she thought." Really? Let's backtrack a bit and look at a timeline (courtesy of MTV's website)...
LOVE that he says that to her!! I guess this shows where her priorities lie, though. Husband, kids, home? Nope. Career. I'm not bashing a woman's right to her career but, really, one would think that she could run her store from about anywhere. I seriously doubt they're counting on her to run the cash register each day. And, couldn't those women in Minnesota benefit from a Kardashian boutique in Cheeseland?
In any case, let Kim be a role model for all those young ladies out there who, two months (or less) after meeting a guy, begin morphing their photo with that of their dream man to see what their babies will look like. While a sex tape with a celeb may make you famous, rushing into a relationship or marriage will almost certainly end in disaster. And, even if you did make $17.9 million off the wedding alone, no amount of money can fix stupid.
And, as to the question of their fame, many people will state that they are famous because they are businesswomen and socialites; models and actresses. Well, I'm not so sure about the actress part (check out any film credits they have prior to 2009. Even then, I don't think playing yourself gives you the right to call yourself an actress), and I'm sure they all did some modeling but here's the real scoop. None of the girls in this family ever got any real celeb face time until Kim's sex tape was "leaked" in 2007. So, really, they are famous because their sister got busy with a celeb and the world saw her naked. Bravo! Master Thespian!! (and she was 27 when this happened so she really was old enough to have known better... unless she wanted it leaked so her name would be in all the news... hmmm)
So, anyway, I'm not necessarily one for celebrity gossip (especially when it comes to the K clan), but this got me this morning. I saw that Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce from her husband. Not that filing for divorce is some huge news, but her excuse blew my mind. She says that she's filed because he "wasn't who she thought." Really? Let's backtrack a bit and look at a timeline (courtesy of MTV's website)...
October 31, 2010: Kim is spotted sitting courtside at Kris Humphries' basketball game. This is the day they reportedly meet for the first time.January 1, 2011: Kim tweets a photo of a young Kris with the message "I want my son to look like this!"(now, in the real world, if a girl did this within 2 months of knowing a guy, she would be labeled a psycho and dropped like a hot potato)
January 23, 2011: Kim tells MTV News that she's still very much single. "I never have been single in my life," she said. "So [after] getting married as a teenager and then getting into a relationship, each lasting like four years, after that, something inside of me, I just felt like I wanted to be single." (umm... I have no words for how weird this is)
May 18, 2011: Just shy of seven months after meeting, they get engaged after he slipped a 20.5-carat, $2 million ring on her finger. "I didn't expect this at all," Kardashian said of the proposal, which included Humphries writing out "Will You Marry Me?" in rose petals in her bedroom. "I was in such shock. I never thought it would happen at home, and I never thought now."(really? Even though you've been dreaming about what your babies would look like for over 4 months now?)
June 8, 2011: Kim's family was just as shocked as the rest of us about the upcoming wedding. Her sister Khloe even says, "We didn't even know if it was a joke."(that's because one would think it was since they'd only known each other 7 months)
August 20, 2011: The two marry in a $20 million shindig that they paid nothing toward ($20 MILLION. They paid NOTHING. Even better than the wedding's price tag, they reportedly MADE money on the whole affair. How much? Choke on this... $17.9 MILLION).October 31, 2011: 72 days after they said "I do," these two are now saying "Not so much." (72 days. Wow. Granted, it's a lifetime compared to Britney Spears' 55 hour marriage but, seriously, 72 DAYS?)
OK, back to reality. The real reality. He wasn't who she thought? You mean, when you agreed to marry him less than 7 months after you met him, you thought you knew everything about him? Why does her divorce come as a surprise to her or anyone else? Were there really people, Kim and Kris included, that thought that this was going to work? Ever? The ugly stuff in a relationship usually doesn't happen during the first 6-9 months. I mean, it generally takes a year before all the really annoying stuff starts to surface and you know if you can deal with it or not. If you can, congratulations, your relationship has a better than average chance of lasting another year. Even then, you may need to hang on for awhile before you really know if this person is a keeper and that you are one to them. My favorite in the time line is this future event, though...
November 27, 2011: Even though they are no longer together, Kris and Kim's marriage will be documented on the second season of "Kourtney & Kim Take New York," which kicks off November 27. In previews for the show, fans have gotten a peek at the short-lived marriage. "How am I going to have my career and live in Minnesota?" Kim asks Kris when he suggests they move to his hometown. His response? "Baby, by the time you have kids and they're in school, nobody will probably care about you."
LOVE that he says that to her!! I guess this shows where her priorities lie, though. Husband, kids, home? Nope. Career. I'm not bashing a woman's right to her career but, really, one would think that she could run her store from about anywhere. I seriously doubt they're counting on her to run the cash register each day. And, couldn't those women in Minnesota benefit from a Kardashian boutique in Cheeseland?
In any case, let Kim be a role model for all those young ladies out there who, two months (or less) after meeting a guy, begin morphing their photo with that of their dream man to see what their babies will look like. While a sex tape with a celeb may make you famous, rushing into a relationship or marriage will almost certainly end in disaster. And, even if you did make $17.9 million off the wedding alone, no amount of money can fix stupid.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
My Toilet Paper Confuses Me
This blog was originally posted back in 2007. Almost 4 years ago to the day exactly actually. Odd that it came up again in my head. I must be on a 4 year cycle. That didn't sound right.
Anyway, here it is again. My new thoughts appear afterward.
=========================
Well, if you read my blogs and you enjoy my occasional rants about life on planet Earth, you've probably wondered why I haven't written about this sooner. Mind you, it's been on my mind daily...multiple times a day in fact. Yes, everytime I hit the can (that didn't sound very lady-like, did it? Honestly, there's not much about going to the bathroom that IS lady-like so why pretend?) I am faced with a burning sensatio...I mean, question. bah ha ha ha ha I crack myself up. Get it? Crack? Oh, geez, I think my morning coffee has finally kicked in.
OK, let's get serious here. I'm talking about my toilet paper. Excuse me, bathroom tissue. Who the hell calls it that anyway? Is there someone out there that has a patent on the term Toilet Paper like the Kleenex people that can only call their product kleenex despite the free world calling any other piece of "facial tissue" that? Whatever. Bathroom tissue. That sounds so ridiculous. Anyway, I'm pretty particular about my toi-...uh...bathroom tissue. Almost to the point of being snobby about it. Ridiculous, you say? Not really. I mean, I use the stuff multiple times a day. Any real person should be a snob about something they use that many times a day, right? Especially on their hiny. Like, if you put a lotion on your bits and pieces five times a day and it was kind of gritty, would you really want that or would you look for a lotion that felt good. Not so much of crazy lady now, am I?
Anyway, I'm a 2-ply girl. Always have been. There's nothing worse than having to use 1-ply. Or, shudder, one of those toilet seat covers in the bathroom at your favorite club that is THE spot to hang out at but only has one, ONE, stall in the women's room and it is ALWAYS out of the dreaded economy 1-ply that they put in there. At least it's better than those brown paper towels. But, yeah, 1-ply. I just don't get it. If I can SEE through my toilet paper, umm bath tissue, then I can't imagine how a few squares of it is going to get the job done. Sure, it's cheaper but, when you have to use twice as much of it just so that you don't feel the need to pull on a pair of surgical gloves everytime you enter the john, are you really saving any money? I think not.
So, in case your mind has become cluttered with my ramblings thus far, here's where we are...I like 2-ply. Oh, I'm such a girl. Just used something like a thousand words to express what I could have in 3 words. Aaaaanyway, I also buy my rolls in bulk. I do big grocery shopping once every 6-8 weeks so I buy the giganto pack at Costco and I buy the good 2-ply there, which happens to be Charmin. And, yes, you actually DO save money buying it there vs buying several smaller packs at Winco. Ask me how I know! So, I've been buying the monster humongo pack for years now and I love it. I love running out of tp in the bathroom and knowing that there are 18 more rolls in the garage. It's such a better feeling than looking around for what you might be able to substitute for tp when you run out and have no more in the house. And, the inevitable questioning that runs through your mind of, "If I tear up the paper towels into smaller pieces, would it still clog my toilet?"
So, where are we now? Charmin 2-ply. Moving on, Charmin currently uses these cute animated bears as their spokes...people. Personally, I like them. They're awfully cute. Better looking than Mr. Whipple that's for sure. Not that I didn't like him but the bears really are better looking and more cuddly. And, that's important when you're choosing something to wipe your butt with, right? Umm...right? Anyway, the bears are cute and I like that and it makes me a little more jovial when I'm balancing 24 mega rolls on my overflowing cart in Costco. Recently, though, there's been a change in product line and ad campaign that has left me distressed. They have recently come out with the Ultra Strong line of bath tissue and it frightens and confuses me.
First of all, the cute little bear is now red. That disturbs me. Why red? No matter how gentle the face looks on that bear, I'm just reminded of something hot and evil and burning. NOT the mental picture I'd like to associate with my tp. Why not something like lavender or moss green? Not a real color of a bear, you say? Well, flaming red isn't either. OK, maybe red because it is supposed to represent something firm? I still don't get it. Red still represents burning to me and I've always been told that was something that should worry me if I experienced it when I peed. Why not gray? Reminds me of slate, rocks, concrete. Still not something I'd like to wipe with but it's firm and a real color of wildnerness creatures. And, while they're at it, please change my bear, now in blue to represent the Ultra Soft line, back to brown, please. Because blue is not a real color of a bear and brown is more natural and the most universally accepted color to represent toilet paper...???
So, my real issue, though, is how do I know if I qualify as someone who needs firm toilet paper? Why did they even decide they needed firm tp? Were there throngs of people calling the Charmin execs with this need? I don't even "get" firm toilet paper. Now, this isn't a topic that I generally quiz my friends on but I've never ever heard of anyone that has complained about the lack of availability of firm bath tissue. So, once again, I am brought to the question of, What are the qualifying factors?
As in many of my quests for truth and knowledge, I went straight to the internet...because, of course, we all know that there are never any lies perpetuated there. I googled "firm toilet paper". Nothing. I remembered my mistake at that point and corrected my search terms to read "firm bath tissue". Still nothing. So, I went to the source. charmin.com I was immediately greeted by the red and blue bears. Fire and ice. It's like a giant bear hemorrhoid. The site has nice little PR blurbs about each of its kinds of tp. And, here's what I learned...
So, here I am, left with more questions than I started with. My initial thought is to stick with the blue bear. The red bear frightens me for one thing. I don't know that I trust the Diamond Weave texture. Aren't diamonds supposed to be the hardest substance on earth? Yeah, like that sounds comfortable to wipe with. Might as well just pass over the extra coarse grit sandpaper already attached to the finishing sander. The blue bear, though, doesn't provide me with an image of comfort, either. He looks cold, icy cold, and reminds me of a slab of fat, furry ice. Wet and slick and cold. Not what I'm looking for in a tissue. Worse yet, what if you get stuck to it like the kid who licks the flag pole? Removal of it usually involves at least a few layers of skin. No thank you.
Oh, the life questions I wrestle with from day to day. When will it all end? I'm contemplating cotton balls. Upside = soft and fluffy. Downside = way too small and linty. Maybe a chinchilla?
Oh, and by the by, the Charmin site calls it TOILET PAPER in their site title!!
=============================
So, fast forward four years. I no longer have a membership to Costco, so I just mooch off my mom's membership. Whenever I'm there, though, I feel more pressed to purchase the items I can't find at a regular store than I am to buy toilet pa-... bathroom tissue. I am, nonetheless, still fanatical about my choice.
On a complete side note, a question has occurred to me over the years. Why bears? Is it because of the age old question Do bears s!*t in the woods? I mean, if the question was Do goats crap in the barnyard? would there be goats on the packaging? I digress. Again.
While on a recent shopping trip, coupons in hand, I marched to the paper goods aisle and weighed my options. I could use the coupon on a 12 or 16 roll pack. Obviously, I wanted the 16 roll. It's cheaper in the first place PLUS I would get to use my coupon. I was devasted to learn that my beloved blue bear tissue was only available in a 12 pack. The thought ocurred to me - blue = cold = ice = ice cube trays = 14 cubes to a tray = why don't they offer my rolls in a 14 pack? Yes, my mind really works that way. In any case, the newer Charmin Basic was offered in a 16 pack. The bear is brown. That appealed to me. It seemed so real; so normal; so natural. That thinking alone should have clued me in immediately that it wasn't a good choice. But, the giddiness of a 16 pack overwhelmed me, and I bought two packages 'cause my coupon would cover it. What a deal!!
Reality struck about a week later. Actually, the reality of some boy in my house (husband included) using all but the last square on the roll and then just leaving it there for an unsuspecting mother to find hit first. The next reality was that our inside-the-house stash is located several feet from the throne. The third was that whoever had put that roll on in the first place neglected to notice that it was the last roll in the house and did not replenish the stash. Gaaawwwdddd!!!!
Anyway, when I finally got around to using my brown bear tissue, I knew immediately that something was amiss. The item a-missing was my second ply!! I've used leaves in the forest with more coverage than this stuff! In my gleeful dance to the checkout line, I had completely missed the fact that this Basic version was 1-ply! Gads, it's been centuries since I've made a mistake like this! And, now I have 36 rolls of it. THIR-TY-SIX!!
Looking at the package, one would think this tissue is the bomb. It claims it "holds up." Holds up to what? An eyedropper? That's about it. Don't ask. Actually, on their website there's a video to prove that it holds up... to a gumball. A gumball? What the hell? Is this the litmus test for bath tissue?
It also says that it has "Duraflex texture." What's that supposed to be? Umm... there's a flower pattern on the squares. Is that it? The website doesn't even address the issue of what it is. Sounds like a government cover up. Duraflex makes me think that maybe it's a more eco-friendly option than a rubber band. Duraflex makes me think that I might be able to tow a car with it. Not so on either account. Don't ask. The only thing that's flexible about this version is that you can moosh it up into a ball like any other product of its kind. Of course, it takes about 14 squares to equal the same size wad as my blue bear tissue. Geez, I wonder if the red bear version only requires 2 squares. I smell a comparison test in the making. No pun intended.
Anyway, I'm down to 31 rolls at this point and have decided there's nothing "Basic" about my need for a good bathroom tissue. The brown bear has no place in my bathroom. The first chance I get, I'm replacing him with my blue bear. Actually, I may try their new "Sensitive" tissue. It says it has lotion in it to pamper my skin. Oddly enough, there's no video on the site proving that. And, it is represented by a brown bear. Nope. Fool me once... Blue bear it is; no matter how much it still confuses me.
Anyway, here it is again. My new thoughts appear afterward.
=========================
Well, if you read my blogs and you enjoy my occasional rants about life on planet Earth, you've probably wondered why I haven't written about this sooner. Mind you, it's been on my mind daily...multiple times a day in fact. Yes, everytime I hit the can (that didn't sound very lady-like, did it? Honestly, there's not much about going to the bathroom that IS lady-like so why pretend?) I am faced with a burning sensatio...I mean, question. bah ha ha ha ha I crack myself up. Get it? Crack? Oh, geez, I think my morning coffee has finally kicked in.
OK, let's get serious here. I'm talking about my toilet paper. Excuse me, bathroom tissue. Who the hell calls it that anyway? Is there someone out there that has a patent on the term Toilet Paper like the Kleenex people that can only call their product kleenex despite the free world calling any other piece of "facial tissue" that? Whatever. Bathroom tissue. That sounds so ridiculous. Anyway, I'm pretty particular about my toi-...uh...bathroom tissue. Almost to the point of being snobby about it. Ridiculous, you say? Not really. I mean, I use the stuff multiple times a day. Any real person should be a snob about something they use that many times a day, right? Especially on their hiny. Like, if you put a lotion on your bits and pieces five times a day and it was kind of gritty, would you really want that or would you look for a lotion that felt good. Not so much of crazy lady now, am I?
Anyway, I'm a 2-ply girl. Always have been. There's nothing worse than having to use 1-ply. Or, shudder, one of those toilet seat covers in the bathroom at your favorite club that is THE spot to hang out at but only has one, ONE, stall in the women's room and it is ALWAYS out of the dreaded economy 1-ply that they put in there. At least it's better than those brown paper towels. But, yeah, 1-ply. I just don't get it. If I can SEE through my toilet paper, umm bath tissue, then I can't imagine how a few squares of it is going to get the job done. Sure, it's cheaper but, when you have to use twice as much of it just so that you don't feel the need to pull on a pair of surgical gloves everytime you enter the john, are you really saving any money? I think not.
So, in case your mind has become cluttered with my ramblings thus far, here's where we are...I like 2-ply. Oh, I'm such a girl. Just used something like a thousand words to express what I could have in 3 words. Aaaaanyway, I also buy my rolls in bulk. I do big grocery shopping once every 6-8 weeks so I buy the giganto pack at Costco and I buy the good 2-ply there, which happens to be Charmin. And, yes, you actually DO save money buying it there vs buying several smaller packs at Winco. Ask me how I know! So, I've been buying the monster humongo pack for years now and I love it. I love running out of tp in the bathroom and knowing that there are 18 more rolls in the garage. It's such a better feeling than looking around for what you might be able to substitute for tp when you run out and have no more in the house. And, the inevitable questioning that runs through your mind of, "If I tear up the paper towels into smaller pieces, would it still clog my toilet?"
So, where are we now? Charmin 2-ply. Moving on, Charmin currently uses these cute animated bears as their spokes...people. Personally, I like them. They're awfully cute. Better looking than Mr. Whipple that's for sure. Not that I didn't like him but the bears really are better looking and more cuddly. And, that's important when you're choosing something to wipe your butt with, right? Umm...right? Anyway, the bears are cute and I like that and it makes me a little more jovial when I'm balancing 24 mega rolls on my overflowing cart in Costco. Recently, though, there's been a change in product line and ad campaign that has left me distressed. They have recently come out with the Ultra Strong line of bath tissue and it frightens and confuses me.
First of all, the cute little bear is now red. That disturbs me. Why red? No matter how gentle the face looks on that bear, I'm just reminded of something hot and evil and burning. NOT the mental picture I'd like to associate with my tp. Why not something like lavender or moss green? Not a real color of a bear, you say? Well, flaming red isn't either. OK, maybe red because it is supposed to represent something firm? I still don't get it. Red still represents burning to me and I've always been told that was something that should worry me if I experienced it when I peed. Why not gray? Reminds me of slate, rocks, concrete. Still not something I'd like to wipe with but it's firm and a real color of wildnerness creatures. And, while they're at it, please change my bear, now in blue to represent the Ultra Soft line, back to brown, please. Because blue is not a real color of a bear and brown is more natural and the most universally accepted color to represent toilet paper...???
So, my real issue, though, is how do I know if I qualify as someone who needs firm toilet paper? Why did they even decide they needed firm tp? Were there throngs of people calling the Charmin execs with this need? I don't even "get" firm toilet paper. Now, this isn't a topic that I generally quiz my friends on but I've never ever heard of anyone that has complained about the lack of availability of firm bath tissue. So, once again, I am brought to the question of, What are the qualifying factors?
As in many of my quests for truth and knowledge, I went straight to the internet...because, of course, we all know that there are never any lies perpetuated there. I googled "firm toilet paper". Nothing. I remembered my mistake at that point and corrected my search terms to read "firm bath tissue". Still nothing. So, I went to the source. charmin.com I was immediately greeted by the red and blue bears. Fire and ice. It's like a giant bear hemorrhoid. The site has nice little PR blurbs about each of its kinds of tp. And, here's what I learned...
- I can choose if I need "a little more strength" or "a little more softness"
- The ultra-firm tp uses a "Diamond Weave texture to create a bath tissue that helps get your family clean by leaving fewer pieces behind"
- The ultra-soft formula is "the softest and most absorbent...to provide your family with a comforting touch"
- I still don't know what qualifies me for either
- Again, never knew there were people out there that had such a problem with bits of tissue being left all over the place
- It gives me a funny feeling now that I know the Charmin people are wanting to touch me in a comforting way
So, here I am, left with more questions than I started with. My initial thought is to stick with the blue bear. The red bear frightens me for one thing. I don't know that I trust the Diamond Weave texture. Aren't diamonds supposed to be the hardest substance on earth? Yeah, like that sounds comfortable to wipe with. Might as well just pass over the extra coarse grit sandpaper already attached to the finishing sander. The blue bear, though, doesn't provide me with an image of comfort, either. He looks cold, icy cold, and reminds me of a slab of fat, furry ice. Wet and slick and cold. Not what I'm looking for in a tissue. Worse yet, what if you get stuck to it like the kid who licks the flag pole? Removal of it usually involves at least a few layers of skin. No thank you.
Oh, the life questions I wrestle with from day to day. When will it all end? I'm contemplating cotton balls. Upside = soft and fluffy. Downside = way too small and linty. Maybe a chinchilla?
Oh, and by the by, the Charmin site calls it TOILET PAPER in their site title!!
=============================
So, fast forward four years. I no longer have a membership to Costco, so I just mooch off my mom's membership. Whenever I'm there, though, I feel more pressed to purchase the items I can't find at a regular store than I am to buy toilet pa-... bathroom tissue. I am, nonetheless, still fanatical about my choice.
On a complete side note, a question has occurred to me over the years. Why bears? Is it because of the age old question Do bears s!*t in the woods? I mean, if the question was Do goats crap in the barnyard? would there be goats on the packaging? I digress. Again.
While on a recent shopping trip, coupons in hand, I marched to the paper goods aisle and weighed my options. I could use the coupon on a 12 or 16 roll pack. Obviously, I wanted the 16 roll. It's cheaper in the first place PLUS I would get to use my coupon. I was devasted to learn that my beloved blue bear tissue was only available in a 12 pack. The thought ocurred to me - blue = cold = ice = ice cube trays = 14 cubes to a tray = why don't they offer my rolls in a 14 pack? Yes, my mind really works that way. In any case, the newer Charmin Basic was offered in a 16 pack. The bear is brown. That appealed to me. It seemed so real; so normal; so natural. That thinking alone should have clued me in immediately that it wasn't a good choice. But, the giddiness of a 16 pack overwhelmed me, and I bought two packages 'cause my coupon would cover it. What a deal!!
Reality struck about a week later. Actually, the reality of some boy in my house (husband included) using all but the last square on the roll and then just leaving it there for an unsuspecting mother to find hit first. The next reality was that our inside-the-house stash is located several feet from the throne. The third was that whoever had put that roll on in the first place neglected to notice that it was the last roll in the house and did not replenish the stash. Gaaawwwdddd!!!!
Anyway, when I finally got around to using my brown bear tissue, I knew immediately that something was amiss. The item a-missing was my second ply!! I've used leaves in the forest with more coverage than this stuff! In my gleeful dance to the checkout line, I had completely missed the fact that this Basic version was 1-ply! Gads, it's been centuries since I've made a mistake like this! And, now I have 36 rolls of it. THIR-TY-SIX!!
Looking at the package, one would think this tissue is the bomb. It claims it "holds up." Holds up to what? An eyedropper? That's about it. Don't ask. Actually, on their website there's a video to prove that it holds up... to a gumball. A gumball? What the hell? Is this the litmus test for bath tissue?
It also says that it has "Duraflex texture." What's that supposed to be? Umm... there's a flower pattern on the squares. Is that it? The website doesn't even address the issue of what it is. Sounds like a government cover up. Duraflex makes me think that maybe it's a more eco-friendly option than a rubber band. Duraflex makes me think that I might be able to tow a car with it. Not so on either account. Don't ask. The only thing that's flexible about this version is that you can moosh it up into a ball like any other product of its kind. Of course, it takes about 14 squares to equal the same size wad as my blue bear tissue. Geez, I wonder if the red bear version only requires 2 squares. I smell a comparison test in the making. No pun intended.
Anyway, I'm down to 31 rolls at this point and have decided there's nothing "Basic" about my need for a good bathroom tissue. The brown bear has no place in my bathroom. The first chance I get, I'm replacing him with my blue bear. Actually, I may try their new "Sensitive" tissue. It says it has lotion in it to pamper my skin. Oddly enough, there's no video on the site proving that. And, it is represented by a brown bear. Nope. Fool me once... Blue bear it is; no matter how much it still confuses me.
Where HAVE I Been?
I know, I know... I don't blog nearly enough. I have way too many stories and neuroses for one girl, and I should be writing them all down. Truth is, I have been writing. I've just been writing for my company's blog not my personal one. I don't derive nearly as much glee from the company blog but, still, I have been writing.
So, here's my committment to you, whoever you are, wherever you are, if there are even any of you out there... I will write. I will supplement by plugging in old blogs from another site that have never appeared here before. I may even repost older blogs that it's been awhile since you've seen (don't judge my grammar in this sentence, please and thank you). But, I will, once again, slap down my thoughts, however haphazard they may be, on this electronic page and put them out there for you to roll in. Just be prepared; it may get smelly sometimes. =)
So, here's my committment to you, whoever you are, wherever you are, if there are even any of you out there... I will write. I will supplement by plugging in old blogs from another site that have never appeared here before. I may even repost older blogs that it's been awhile since you've seen (don't judge my grammar in this sentence, please and thank you). But, I will, once again, slap down my thoughts, however haphazard they may be, on this electronic page and put them out there for you to roll in. Just be prepared; it may get smelly sometimes. =)
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Five is Good (and so is Ten)
Five years ago I wrote a blog post entitled Five is Good. The actual subject was my son Ryan who, today, is turning ten. I thought it only fitting that I follow up. Below is an excerpt from Five is Good with my follow up to, duh, follow.
...I'm at the kitchen table with my rotary cutter, my special cutting mat and scads of black fleece and Ryan is hanging with me. He played army guys in the living room for awhile but then he had some homework to do so he came into the dining room with me. We turned on the Christmas music and set to work. He read his book from his book pack for school (today's book was The Hat) and then set to work on his coloring sheet. We spent the morning singing songs and giggling over goofy things. Five is good.
At one point, I had this very long piece of fleece that was a throw-away piece because it was only about a half an inch wide and he asked if he could have it. Of course. Who am I to deny such a fabulous gift? He threw it around his neck and began to dance about the dining room and I was reminded that this will not last. It will end with him until the first grandbaby comes along (my Christmas wish is that said grandbaby will not arrive for many years). But there is only maybe another year, possibly two, until this baby boy will discover that just being a sillyhead is not a socially acceptable thing to do whenever the mood strikes. He's singing his version of Jingle Bell Rock in the living room right now. But the dancing; the racing into the living room stark naked and doing a little dance and then dashing away; the singing of his versions of songs; the just being a total goofball, it will all begin to wane soon. I will miss it. It makes me laugh. Mitch didn't get it at first until I told him about how we all think it's so funny when Ryan does something like that but that, if it were Mitch doing it, we would be calling a specialist. Then he got it.
Five is good. Five gets to sing in the store. Five gets to have a belly and it's cute. Five takes baths with lots of bubbles and makes beards with them. Five gets to color for homework. Five gets to ask questions about things they don't understand and no one blinks an eye. Five gets soooo excited at EVERY house with Christmas lights on it. Five can't wait to tell Santa what it wants and believes with all its heart that he will come through for them. Five is rabid about the advent calendar. Five thinks cinnamon toast is THE best invention ever. Five wears cowboy boots with EVERYTHING, even shorts. Five has toes that, when you look at them from underneath, look just like little flesh colored peas straight from a pod. Five can have a Kool-Aid mustache and it is completely acceptable. Five gets feety pajamas with a saggy butt and it looks good. Five is enchanted with snow. Five is good. I love it and I will miss it.
But ten... Oh, ten. Ten is pretty good, too. Now, to be fair, we've only been ten for a day. Actually, if you want to get technical, we're not even ten for another 8 minutes, but whatever. Anyway, as I sat scanning pictures for Mitch's graduation slide show the other night, Ryan was at the dining room table doing his homework. It's not coloring sheets anymore (damn) and, to be honest, it's been a difficult year as there is waaaaay more homework in 4th grade than I ever remember. I think I made a papier mache relief map of Washington and that's all I really remember. Oh, and that Nina and Barbara did an amazing gymnastics routine to the song Carwash for the school talent show.
So, Ryan is doing homework and I'm scanning photos. And, that's when I heard it. I turned around to see him sitting there with his headphones on listening to music on his mp3 and singing to himself. Some things never change, I guess. I was reminded of the five year old boy I knew. I'll be honest, he still is kind of a sillyhead. I'm ok with that. He talks to anyone and everyone regardless of whether he knows them or not. He's always got a story to tell. In some ways he is still the boy I knew five years ago. He is bold without being fearless. He is sensitive without being gushy. He is a boy with a hint of a child and a smidge of the man he will become.
Ten is good. Ten is in track and proves that all the running he's done while being chased by older brothers has paid off. Ten still has toes that look like baby peas. Ten is about to be a fifth grader and one of the oldest kids at school. Ten picks out its own outfits. Ten is a little more fashion conscious now and then and likes to wear ties to school. Ten knows how to keep a secret. Most of the time. Ten carries the burdens of life like Atlas. Ten can drop the burden at the prospect of ice cream. Ten can cook Top Ramen by itself but can't put together a spaghetti dinner yet. Ten is thoughtful. About a lot of things. Ten has survived Human Growth & Development at school and "umm...that was weird." Ten is best friends with its dog. Ten loves zombies but still can't watch The Sixth Sense at night time. Ten is on the cusp of middle school. Ten still loves the book Corduroy. Ten is good. I love it just as much as five.
...I'm at the kitchen table with my rotary cutter, my special cutting mat and scads of black fleece and Ryan is hanging with me. He played army guys in the living room for awhile but then he had some homework to do so he came into the dining room with me. We turned on the Christmas music and set to work. He read his book from his book pack for school (today's book was The Hat) and then set to work on his coloring sheet. We spent the morning singing songs and giggling over goofy things. Five is good.
At one point, I had this very long piece of fleece that was a throw-away piece because it was only about a half an inch wide and he asked if he could have it. Of course. Who am I to deny such a fabulous gift? He threw it around his neck and began to dance about the dining room and I was reminded that this will not last. It will end with him until the first grandbaby comes along (my Christmas wish is that said grandbaby will not arrive for many years). But there is only maybe another year, possibly two, until this baby boy will discover that just being a sillyhead is not a socially acceptable thing to do whenever the mood strikes. He's singing his version of Jingle Bell Rock in the living room right now. But the dancing; the racing into the living room stark naked and doing a little dance and then dashing away; the singing of his versions of songs; the just being a total goofball, it will all begin to wane soon. I will miss it. It makes me laugh. Mitch didn't get it at first until I told him about how we all think it's so funny when Ryan does something like that but that, if it were Mitch doing it, we would be calling a specialist. Then he got it.
Five is good. Five gets to sing in the store. Five gets to have a belly and it's cute. Five takes baths with lots of bubbles and makes beards with them. Five gets to color for homework. Five gets to ask questions about things they don't understand and no one blinks an eye. Five gets soooo excited at EVERY house with Christmas lights on it. Five can't wait to tell Santa what it wants and believes with all its heart that he will come through for them. Five is rabid about the advent calendar. Five thinks cinnamon toast is THE best invention ever. Five wears cowboy boots with EVERYTHING, even shorts. Five has toes that, when you look at them from underneath, look just like little flesh colored peas straight from a pod. Five can have a Kool-Aid mustache and it is completely acceptable. Five gets feety pajamas with a saggy butt and it looks good. Five is enchanted with snow. Five is good. I love it and I will miss it.
But ten... Oh, ten. Ten is pretty good, too. Now, to be fair, we've only been ten for a day. Actually, if you want to get technical, we're not even ten for another 8 minutes, but whatever. Anyway, as I sat scanning pictures for Mitch's graduation slide show the other night, Ryan was at the dining room table doing his homework. It's not coloring sheets anymore (damn) and, to be honest, it's been a difficult year as there is waaaaay more homework in 4th grade than I ever remember. I think I made a papier mache relief map of Washington and that's all I really remember. Oh, and that Nina and Barbara did an amazing gymnastics routine to the song Carwash for the school talent show.
So, Ryan is doing homework and I'm scanning photos. And, that's when I heard it. I turned around to see him sitting there with his headphones on listening to music on his mp3 and singing to himself. Some things never change, I guess. I was reminded of the five year old boy I knew. I'll be honest, he still is kind of a sillyhead. I'm ok with that. He talks to anyone and everyone regardless of whether he knows them or not. He's always got a story to tell. In some ways he is still the boy I knew five years ago. He is bold without being fearless. He is sensitive without being gushy. He is a boy with a hint of a child and a smidge of the man he will become.
Ten is good. Ten is in track and proves that all the running he's done while being chased by older brothers has paid off. Ten still has toes that look like baby peas. Ten is about to be a fifth grader and one of the oldest kids at school. Ten picks out its own outfits. Ten is a little more fashion conscious now and then and likes to wear ties to school. Ten knows how to keep a secret. Most of the time. Ten carries the burdens of life like Atlas. Ten can drop the burden at the prospect of ice cream. Ten can cook Top Ramen by itself but can't put together a spaghetti dinner yet. Ten is thoughtful. About a lot of things. Ten has survived Human Growth & Development at school and "umm...that was weird." Ten is best friends with its dog. Ten loves zombies but still can't watch The Sixth Sense at night time. Ten is on the cusp of middle school. Ten still loves the book Corduroy. Ten is good. I love it just as much as five.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Mary Kay Letourneau Scares Me
I just watched what is possibly the most awkward interview I've ever seen. Mary Kay and Vili, now married and ages 48 and 27 respectively, appeared this morning on the Today Show. The premise for the story was that Mary Kay just became a grandmother for the first time. Her oldest son from her first marriage (he's 28 now) and his wife just had a child in December.
Now, let me preface the rest of this by saying that what should have been a story about her becoming a grandmother (as the teasers suggested) did not succeed in doing so. This was a case of media hoo-ha and the resulting interview really had nothing to do with her becoming a grandmother at all. To that end, I am sorry for Mary Kay and Vili. However, they are the ones that agreed to the interview and, if they truly believed that 'grandparenthood' would be what the majority of the questions posed to them would be about, then I suppose they're completely blissed out because that would have been a truly ignorant assumption.
Moving on, though, this interview was like a bad car accident. Unfolding in slow motion before my eyes as my mouth fell open wider and wider with every passing moment of horror. It's hard for me to imagine that this woman has a teaching degree and now works as a legal assistant. Maybe it was because she really thought that they would be asking about the grandma thing and thus felt blindsided, but this woman is one of the most inarticulate specimens I've seen. Vili is no better but, to his credit, he's 27 and has been a father since he was 14. He really hasn't had a normal upbringing by any stretch of the imagination, so it's hard to expect him to act like an intelligent grownup.
The thing, though, that really burns me is the response given by Mary Kay when Meredith Viera (God bless her, she remained amazingly neutral through this) inquired of her what her thoughts would be if their own daughters, 12 and 13, were to come home and announce that they were having a sexual relationship with one of their teachers. The following is the dialogue that followed. And, yes, these are direct quotes...
So, MK, you're saying it's different if it's a 33 year old woman molesting a 12 year old boy than it is if it's a 33 year old man molesting a 12 year old girl??? I'm confused. Maybe that's because I didn't study physiology when I was in college. However, I also have never had the desire to have a relationship of that nature with a 12 year old boy so maybe that's where my brain has trouble wrapping itself around this comment. I do, though, have a hard time believing that you'll ever hear this argued in any intelligent forum.
Meredith goes on to ask, if the tables were turned then and it was a boy, are you saying that's OK? MK replies that, no, she didn't say that and that, "in an ideal world, you want your children to wait." Maybe just not other people's children, though, eh MK? 'Cause it worked out pretty well for you that Vili didn't wait.
And, when asked "What would you have done differently if you could do it over?" because, from her own courtroom words she admitted that what she had done she had no right to do morally or legally, MK's response is that she "(doesn't) really look at life that way." And, okay, the past is the past and we can't change that. I get that. But, really? REALLY? Her lack of real answer says, in a nutshell, 'I would have acted just as I did the first time'. She goes on to say that, instead of looking back and asking 'What would I have done differently?', she looks back and says "I was doing my best in every situation at the time." Doing your very best??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? You were acting as a pedophile!!! Yes, it's a harsh word, but it's true! If you were a man (which I know you think is different), people would be talking castration at the very least, and you say you were "doing your best"???
She does admit, though, that there were "tragic things" that resulted from her being a child molester. All she was able to come up with that was tragic, though, is that she was separated from her children. Umm...yeah, of course you were. As every other child molester with children is when they are caught and sent to prison. Somehow, I think there's far more that is tragic here and it goes well beyond children being separated from a parent that is a convicted and unapologetic (as evidenced by her actions) pedophile.
And, finally, the closing question of the interview was an expected one but with an answer that was on par with the rest of the interview. And, again, direct quotes here...
I find this soooo hard to believe. Never? NEVER?? To quote the Sicilian from The Princess Bride, "Inconceivable!"
So, yeah, weird and awkward. Hopefully, the media won't think we care, or even want, to hear about any "news" in their lives again. And, if, for whatever reason, you want to watch the interview, there's a link below. I warn you, it's Strange. Strange with a capital S.
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/41310512#41310512
Now, let me preface the rest of this by saying that what should have been a story about her becoming a grandmother (as the teasers suggested) did not succeed in doing so. This was a case of media hoo-ha and the resulting interview really had nothing to do with her becoming a grandmother at all. To that end, I am sorry for Mary Kay and Vili. However, they are the ones that agreed to the interview and, if they truly believed that 'grandparenthood' would be what the majority of the questions posed to them would be about, then I suppose they're completely blissed out because that would have been a truly ignorant assumption.
Moving on, though, this interview was like a bad car accident. Unfolding in slow motion before my eyes as my mouth fell open wider and wider with every passing moment of horror. It's hard for me to imagine that this woman has a teaching degree and now works as a legal assistant. Maybe it was because she really thought that they would be asking about the grandma thing and thus felt blindsided, but this woman is one of the most inarticulate specimens I've seen. Vili is no better but, to his credit, he's 27 and has been a father since he was 14. He really hasn't had a normal upbringing by any stretch of the imagination, so it's hard to expect him to act like an intelligent grownup.
The thing, though, that really burns me is the response given by Mary Kay when Meredith Viera (God bless her, she remained amazingly neutral through this) inquired of her what her thoughts would be if their own daughters, 12 and 13, were to come home and announce that they were having a sexual relationship with one of their teachers. The following is the dialogue that followed. And, yes, these are direct quotes...
Mary Kay - There really is no comparison to a male in the situation compared to a female.
Meredith - What do you mean?
MK - I just don't believe...I don't believe...There's, uh, physiological issues with a female having...engaging in...umm...sexual activity. I would think I would be worried if she was with someone her own age 'cause just, ideally, particularly for females...(sigh) later, so...
So, MK, you're saying it's different if it's a 33 year old woman molesting a 12 year old boy than it is if it's a 33 year old man molesting a 12 year old girl??? I'm confused. Maybe that's because I didn't study physiology when I was in college. However, I also have never had the desire to have a relationship of that nature with a 12 year old boy so maybe that's where my brain has trouble wrapping itself around this comment. I do, though, have a hard time believing that you'll ever hear this argued in any intelligent forum.
Meredith goes on to ask, if the tables were turned then and it was a boy, are you saying that's OK? MK replies that, no, she didn't say that and that, "in an ideal world, you want your children to wait." Maybe just not other people's children, though, eh MK? 'Cause it worked out pretty well for you that Vili didn't wait.
And, when asked "What would you have done differently if you could do it over?" because, from her own courtroom words she admitted that what she had done she had no right to do morally or legally, MK's response is that she "(doesn't) really look at life that way." And, okay, the past is the past and we can't change that. I get that. But, really? REALLY? Her lack of real answer says, in a nutshell, 'I would have acted just as I did the first time'. She goes on to say that, instead of looking back and asking 'What would I have done differently?', she looks back and says "I was doing my best in every situation at the time." Doing your very best??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? You were acting as a pedophile!!! Yes, it's a harsh word, but it's true! If you were a man (which I know you think is different), people would be talking castration at the very least, and you say you were "doing your best"???
She does admit, though, that there were "tragic things" that resulted from her being a child molester. All she was able to come up with that was tragic, though, is that she was separated from her children. Umm...yeah, of course you were. As every other child molester with children is when they are caught and sent to prison. Somehow, I think there's far more that is tragic here and it goes well beyond children being separated from a parent that is a convicted and unapologetic (as evidenced by her actions) pedophile.
And, finally, the closing question of the interview was an expected one but with an answer that was on par with the rest of the interview. And, again, direct quotes here...
Meredith (to Vili) - For those that still look at the two of you and judge you and say that what you did was wrong, what do you say to them?
V - (awkward pause and weird sneer on his face) I mean, people are gonna believe what they wanna believe. (long awkward pause and looks at camera with... indignance? and smiles)
M - And, we'll leave it at that...
V - I've never had...I've never had that question, but yeah...
M - You've never had what?
V - (smiling and on the verge of laughing with MK) I've never had that asked...to me in public ever, but...
MK - (finishing his sentence) ...there it was
V - There it was. (and laughs to himself)
I find this soooo hard to believe. Never? NEVER?? To quote the Sicilian from The Princess Bride, "Inconceivable!"
So, yeah, weird and awkward. Hopefully, the media won't think we care, or even want, to hear about any "news" in their lives again. And, if, for whatever reason, you want to watch the interview, there's a link below. I warn you, it's Strange. Strange with a capital S.
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/41310512#41310512
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
