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Sometimes, on rare occasions, I get to sleep late. Mostly, though, I just lay there hoping for sleep to return to me. Rarely does it. When it does, though, and I truly am sleeping late, it's called sleeping in. As opposed to what? Sleeping out? We never say that. So, if you can't sleep out, how can you sleep in? Maybe that's why it rarely happens for me.
Daylight savings time confuses me. If we've been saving for all these years, shouldn't we have enough to have it not be dark anymore? Someone's withdrawing and not telling us about it.
I just learned that I can make a clay mask for my face out of kitty litter. That's just gross. I have nothing more to say about it than that. And, of course, will the cat then be compelled to pee on me while I sleep if I use that mask?
The dictionary defines the word "set" as "a collection of articles designed for use together". That's "articles" with an -s. That means it plural. More than one. Why then, when I buy a television set, do I only get one. Shouldn't there be at least two. I could use another since the blasted networks have put all my shows on at the same time and on the same day now. Honestly, they make it so hard to sit on the couch and let my arteries clog these days.
If you call something nonexistent, does that mean that before it was existent? I've never heard anyone say that. That's dumb. Like chalant. No one says that but we say nonchalant all the time. English is stupid. And I think it's extra stupid to have a silent B at the end of the word dumb. That's dum.
I just saw a commercial on my television (not a set) for, quite possibly, the most retarded children's toy. Barbie Girl. Barbie Girl is Barbie in her younger years I guess. Her head is just as big but the rest of her hasn't discovered the brainwashing media that will force her to begin binging and purging throughout high school and then just slip into full blown anorexia once she gets to college. So, she's short, got a big head, and her boobs haven't developed yet. Because of this, she doesn't come with a Ken Boy doll as her companion. No, instead she comes with Tanner the dog. Unfortunately, everytime you touch Tanner's tail, he poops. Yes, you read that correctly. He poops. Little plastic piles of dog poo. I'm going out to buy stock in Mattel tomorrow. Any company that can and will make millions off of plastic dog poop has got a few more tricks up their sleeve I'm sure. Maybe there will be a day when we do have Binge and Purge Barbie. She'll come with two bags of McDonald's food, a box of Suzie Q's, pork rinds, Dots, a caramel apple and a Big Gulp of diet soda. Oh, and the little globs of plastic vomit.
Anyway, Tanner poops. Good thing Barbie Girl comes with one of those litter picker upper tong things so that she can grab it without touching it and then place it in the lavender garbage can that comes with her. Why not be a bit more realistic and just giver her itty bitty leftover bags that her plastic newspaper came in. We can teach the women of tomorrow how to place the bag, inside out, over their hand and arm, pick up the steaming plastic poo with said covered hand, draw the plastic bag over steaming poo and tie the bag closed. But wait, Barbie Girl's elbow would have to be able to bend for that.
So, yes, we've made sufficient advances to give Barbie Girl a dog that poops but not elbows that bend because, as we all know, picking up dog poop with long handled tongs is much more realistic than having elbows that bend. RE-TAR-DEDB. With a silent B.
I think I'm done for now. The television (not a set) is off right now so it's hard to find more stupid things to dwell on. We're on our way out to dinner, though, to celebrate Alex's birthday. Have you ever seen the wait staff at Red Robin when there's a birthday? They're so chalant about it.
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